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They killed a taxi! Review of the movie “Taxi 5”

And then the screens went on the long-awaited continuation of the movie franchise “Taxi”. Sam Naseri and Frederic Difenthal in the new film are not present, from the former composition there were legs and horns – Bernard Farsi (Commissioner Gibert), Eduard Montut (Alain) and … No, that’s it. In the producers is Luc Besson, but it did not matter. Or the Frenchman has some kind of secret plan for a new comedy. For example, most drive the last nail into the lid of the coffin, not letting it be done to someone else.


About what will be discussed

The director of this farce was Frank Gastambid, who also worked on the script and occupied the main role. Now this is not a shirt-guy with a good deal of charisma, an explosive character and an emotional language, but a hybrid of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker: bald, not very expressive, occasionally jagging and not extinguishing in front of the camera. To sense?

From the very first shots, “Taxi 5” is perceived as a parody of the previous series. It feels like watching a remake, but at the same time – a little new movie. If you are familiar with the “Screamers” and their “rethinking” called “Screamers 2: Hunting”, then you will understand which gulf lies between the first “Taxi” and the last one. The tape of 1998 is also not a godsend what a masterpiece, but it evokes warm memories (which it is better not to spoil watching “Taxi 1” today).

Who are all these people?

What did the creators of “Taxi 5” prepare for us? Sylvain Maro (Frank Gastambid) – a policeman who feels behind the wheel like a fish in the water and shows his skills on the roads of Paris – is in Marseilles. The service in the port city was chosen for him as a punishment for misconduct and, instead of firing, was sent to re-education where far away.

Here he is waiting for a team worthy of a separate room in a madhouse. Still, before us is a comedy, and you can live with it. Fat (its weight will play its role more than once) is always looking for pleasures for the womb, and at moments of rest from chewing demonstrates an irrepressible sexual attraction to all around. The dwarf appeared in the group only because he was a dwarf. The third, with crazy eyes, can not stand attention to himself. Other characters are the same freaks, but it does not get any fun. They will hunt a “gang of Italians” on a Ferrari led by Tony Dog (Salvatore Esposito), who conceived a daring crime. Well, how daring … It’s as daring as “Taxi 5” – a comical comedy.

Snot, vomit and other jokes

The screenwriter entertains the audience with displays of male dignity (not real, but very large), the eruption of a couple of buckets of vomit (in the “canonical” parts of “Taxi” people also were not averse to clearing the stomach, but not in such volumes) and the cistern, sorry, . All this is packed in the narrative densely, so that those sitting in the cinema do not particularly relax. Soul-clutching finale was sprinkled with streams of snot – natural, with bubbles, of beautiful color and consistency. The apogee is reached, the subdued Deadpool smokes silently on the sidelines.

Honestly: sometimes laughter broke out. Such a little hysterical. Not because of the excellent humor, but because of what is happening on the screen thrash and the desire to once again put a palm to the face. Not bad jokes were three. Even four, but I will not reveal them to you, otherwise it will be completely uninteresting to watch a film.

Red threads of the plot

How to connect what is happening in “Taxi 5” nonsense? You can carry nonsense. However, the dialogs are not remembered. Fortunately. The plot is torn, it connects together the fact that this is one picture, not a set of sketches. Here and there a romantic relationship breaks out. One pair as two drops of water is like Emilen and Peter (not externally, and their actions), the other – on Dominic Toretto and Letty from “Fast and the Furious”, the third, it is possible, is also a conscious reference to anything from modern cinema. Villains arise from nowhere and there they return regularly, showing miracles of stupidity.

Corrupt police officers resemble a pair of drunken street vagrants with the appropriate motives and deeds. What moves all the heroes without exception and where they are striving is also incomprehensible.

Racing on turtles

What the director managed best is the insertion from the original “Taxi” – in such rare moments you can ponostalgize all four wheels. The hope flashes: Well, at least street races will be cool. The French are probably the best in this business – show car drive and action on narrow streets. Here’s the cool Mers, here’s the 407th Peugeot with the 2007 DAB 13 from the last part, with the twists and turns, the air intakes, the changing wheels, here’s the Lamborghini, the Ferrari and the “Kaka 2000” … Excuse me? Ah, this is the collector of dog shit!

There are races, but boring, without raisins, albeit with clubs of smoke from under the wheels. Speed ​​for 250 km / h? Yes, the speedometer on the speedometer shivers outside the scale, but why does the car with such difficulty outperform the truck? So, and it is necessary to arrange a heap-mala with representatives of the international auto industry. True, only the director knows the reasons for her uncontrollable growth (“so it is necessary, without this” Taxi “not” Taxi “”). Unforgettably.

Episodes with chases sometimes adds weight to the same fat woman: she can act as a counterweight or stop the car on the run. Gastambid does not shy away from sexist jokes, but they look inharmonious, getting into the frame as if on the list, and not by meaning, and cause only a short laugh or a feeling of awkwardness. He, apparently, is also experienced by some actors: the glass gaze of another maiden is a vivid proof of this ( “Lord, when will it stop ?!”  – it seems, she thinks).

“Taxi 5” with its multi-million dollar budget should be released immediately on the disks and streaming services. Maybe it’s good that Netflix, perhaps, will acquire the rights to this franchise, which will get a new life under the supervision of Besson.

Under this photo – a potential spoiler, but it will not have any effect on the viewing.

It is worth to pay tribute – closer to the final, the creators of the film recognize: “they killed” Taxi “”. This phrase persistently sounds a few times against the background of a racing car over the precipice.

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